another bitter black women.
so this is my rant this is my leaakkk. 
this is me letting it all goo..
like jill scott says 


my love is deeper tighter sweeter higher flyyer didnt you know this?


or didnt you notice?




i will not be a bitter black woman.

they get no where in life.
and people hate them.
i will not be  a part of the system
people will not find me working at some dead end job in 20 years
because i will eb theyre bosses. 

i will run every aspect of your lives.


scary isnt it? 


i am braver then you.

i am better then you.

and u will suffer for emensly when i come into rein...

you thinkim joking dont you!? 


tell me im beautfiul ill be yours forever.

for myself 
for my race. 
are constantly conflicting with each other. 

i am biracial why is that so hard for people to accept.
but maybe people wont accept it until i do... 


maybe sometimes ipose in the mirror and pretend im some exotic model. 
maybe sometime i stop and wish my feature that make me exotic were gone. 


theres plenty of times when i wish my nose was thin and pointy 
my eyes blue or green 
my skin pail 
my hair straight. 

but theni wake up and irealize.... skinnoseeyeshair.
its all standards. standards for a race that has become non existant. 
i am part of that non existant race... 


are you following me?

a non existant race... you know... 

im so many cultures that iam confused. im in a sub culture.
ive created my own genre of people. 
i am the girl that floats between the cliques in school. 
the blacks the preps the athletes the dorks the free thinkers.
i am all of the above and some....



my standards? do i have any? 

no not anymore. standards only hold me back. they give me guidelines. 

without them im more me than ever.

it doesnt make much sense ... 
it really doesnt why someone like you could even begin to like me. 


but maybe thats my own insecurities. 


me and you... 
we dont make much sense. 
the way we joke and laugh 
it scares me it really does. 
how could two people like each other as much as we do. 
knowing that it could end in heart break. 


it doesnt make much sense. 

how i can climb to the top and get knocked right back off.
all because of a past situation 
a past regret. something i cannot share with anyone. but want to tell everyone at the same time...



whats a girl to do? 
when she knows everything she says seems right but her mind istelling her no
hold off. you know your not ready to love again. because love seems like a suicidal task lately 
lettign your self succumb to it could be dangerous it could rip you of your morals and everything youve claimed your own.
love requires sharing and being able to communicate with someone. and not being intimidated... 
am i ready for all of that again?


i seriously doubt it. 
but if i dont let myself do it 

ill be wondering what if... forever

how bad this all hurts. 

how my heart feels like someone ringeddddd it... 

ive never hated anyone more than i hate you. 
tramaztizing. thats what that whole experience was. 

did you know, that everytime i see you i vomit? 
Did you know everytime i hear your name i cringe?

little can be said about a "man" as cowardly as you. 
you are a shit stain. nothing more nothing less.

i wake up every morning regretting everything.


best believe you will not get away with any of this.